When I first decided to create this website, I wondered if I really had something to say that others might want to hear. After some time, I realized that, having gone through the process of healing from Multiple Personality Disorder, I did certainly have something to say that is worthwhile to others going through this same process.

Looking back on the years of healing changes, I could see a difference in me that others lacked at times. It was a strong committment to do "whatever it takes" to heal from this painful life of living with many voices inside my head -- all of whom were struggling for control over the system. I had lived with these "others" all my life and thought it was commonplace for everyone to have the same kind of problems. Everyday situations like getting dressed, seemed to take an extra long time for decisions to be made, and I often hoped that I had dressed appropriately (since some of my younger alters loved to dress me).

Making the decision to go forward with my healing process, I intuitively knew that I couldn't do it without a committment to go places that might be painful, scary, sad and hopeless. I understood that the help I needed was available, and it seemed that at critical points in my process the right person or book or movie or whatever appeared in my life to help me.

Now it is with wonder that I can see that the most important decision I ever made was to be courageous enough to guide and accept guidance in this healing process. I vehemently rejected the idea of integration, but I was willing to do whatever it took to have a healthy life. Ultimately, my life process took me to many places that each of us has to face with resolve to do the best we can, trust the process and understand that we have to believe a healthy life IS possible.

More later, 
deJoly

I first realized Multiple Personality Disorder wasn't normal when my therapist asked me to show her how my "insides" work. After I drew what looked like a corporate flow chart of about 65 alters, I asked her to show me hers. With a straight face she said she didn't have "insides." This was a big shock to me! I thought, "Who would drive her to work if she forgot how to drive?" "Who would
dress her? Cook for her? Talk to her when no one was around?"

Imagining how my life would be if I didn't have my "insides" was nearly impossible for me. Even scary... Sometimes the voices were quiet, and I would become sad and depressed. I missed them. But then, for no apparent reason, they would be back. This was my pattern from childhood. 

In second grade I knew that I wasn't very good on the recess field, but when it came to kickball, I knew that Sport (male alter, 6 years old) would come out to play. He was a very good athlete. We participated in all kinds of sports because of him and Butch(male alter, 12 years old). They loved it. I liked the attention, but wouldn't take credit for their good skills.

Art and music talents were another story. Quite a number of my alters loved to smell the art supplies. They loved to create beautiful pieces of art, sculpture, and collage. They used a variety of media such as acrylic, crayons and chalk. Some, like Nature Girl 25 (female alter age 25), would only use crayons or water colors and would only paint landscapes. In my first book, Diary of a  Survivor In Art and Poetry, several of them expressed their stories through drawings and paintings. 

When I was three years old, my mother gave me piano lessons (which I don't remember), and she said that I was a very talented player. I even liked to compose my own tunes. In high school, I joined the chorus and my heart would open up when we sang. As a college student during the Vietnam War, I learned to play the guitar and sing. As a young mother, I made up songs on the guitar to play for my new son. He'd laugh and become bright eyed when I sang to him. These were magical times.

The point of all this is that living as a "onesie" hasn't eliminated these talents and interests. I still have a love of art and music, and can even participate in some sports. Fear of losing these abilities was up there at the top of my list of why I didn't want to become a "onesie." But the gradual process of adopting and opening up to the many possibilities life would offer, has taken these fears away.

Today I am grateful to all my alters and their many talents. They are all a part of me and my life today. I understand that there may never be an answer as to why there was so much evil in my life, but I will always be grateful for it. With the help of a loving Universe and many talented people, it has made me the person I am today and that's a pretty good thing. As I journey on as a "onesie", I hope you will join me in my celebration of life and learn with me what it is to live as one.

 More
later,


deJoly

In 1997 I attended a conference in Atlanta for mental health professionals and survivors of Ritual Abuse and Mind Control. It was an intense three days of presentations from a variety of well-known individuals in the field, such as James Randall Noblitt, who is the author of Cult and Ritual Abuse, Its History, Anthropology, and Recent Discovery in Contemporary America (co-written by Pamela Sue Perskin). What I took from this conference was that there isn't much literature out on the subjects of ritual abuse and mind control. They encouraged all the survivors and mental health professionals who treated survivors to write about it. To tell their stories. To speak out whenever possible.

That was a turning point in my life. I'd been in recovery since 1988, but hadn't written my story. I'd spoken about it many times, even promised my therapist that I would write it. But for me, I thought writing about it would make it more real. Like many other important things in my life, I'd put it off. That year I wrote and published Diary of a Survivor in Art and Poetry. The book was featured on FoxTV 13 News in Tampa, Florida with Kathy Fountain where I participated in a call-in show on my book, ritual abuse and MPD. Surprisingly, these were topics that many people in the area were interested in discussing.

Prior to this call-in program, I presented my story and my book at the S.M.A.R.T. Conference in Hartford, CT. This conference focuses on exposing Cults and Mind Control, and helping survivors have a voice. For four years I presented at the S.M.A.R.T. Conference where I also learned that I wasn't alone...I wasn't the only person who had been attacked so viciously and regularly by people who should have loved and protected me from danger. 

That year I also began presenting my story to students in the Criminal Justice Department at Indiana University at Bloomington, Indiana. Dr. Harold Pepinsky, JD, attended the S.M.A.R.T. Conference and he asked me to present to his classes of undergraduates (200-300) and as a smaller post-grad seminar (25-35). His classes are on peacemaking in the criminal justice system. Students are exposed to topics they would never encounter in any other classes. For many of them it seemed impossible to make any sense of the cruelty and sadistic abuse perpetrated on me and other presenters. I have done this for almost ten (10)
years in the fall and spring semesters. I'm so grateful for Hal and his students who were so attuned and willing to have connversations with me in a bold way.

I FOUND MY VOICE.
Speaking out about the abuse was the most life altering experience I could have. I'm grateful that these opportunities came in my life while I was multiple and continued as I became a "onesie". I knew that the Spirit of the Universe was putting these people and organizations in my life for a reason. 

Today I have a Blog, dedicated to both survivors, those who love them and mental health professionals who treat them. Together we will bring a higher consciousness to our discussions about MPD, Ritual Abuse, Mind Control and other issues that are important to us. Please feel free to share what is in your minds and hearts, for that is how we will help each other in the years to come.

More later,
deJoly

Following is a list of organizations who have asked me to speak at one of their conferences or classes. I am open to speaking before a variety of audiences. The more people who become aware of these types of abuse, the better it will be for other survivors and the world in general.

American Society of Cirminology; 53rd Annual Meeting, "Criminology, Justice, and Public Policy in the Twenty-First Century", November 7-10, 2001, Atlanta, Georgia; Session Title: "Surviving Family Violence and Child Prostitution"; guest speaker and artwork display

Indiana University Criminal Justice Program; 1999 to 2004 guest speaker on ritual abuse; artwork used as teaching tool; Hal Pepinsky, JD, PhD, Professor of Law

Tampa Bay Depressive and Manic Depressive Association; Guest speaker on MPD/DID; display of artwork; January 2000

S.M.A.R.T. Conferences, Windsor Locks, MA; 1998 to 2012; guest speaker and slide show of artwork

Unitarian Universalist Church of Dahlanega, GA; Topic & Meditation -- "Hope;" 2011

Optimist International Club of Summerville, GA; Topic -- "Telling My Story of Hope for Healing;" 2010